Writing out your truth

"The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something." Antoine de Saint Exupery

There were eight men in the class. Ranging in age from early twenties to mid forties they shared one thing in common; they wanted to get their work tickets to be able to find a job in the oilpatch. They wanted to change their lives.

Their circumstances for being there were varied. One was a former client of the shelter where I work. Another was the son of a known 'gangsta' who was desperately trying to not follow in his father's footsteps. One a father from India trying to make a better life for his family.

At one point I said, "When I look at you I see a magnificent human being. When you look in the mirror, what do you see?"

They laughed. One man piped up, "A loser." Another chimed in with, "Nothing magnificent."

"Isn't that kind of conceited?" asked one man.

"If you're not magnificent how do you see yourself," I asked.

"Well, I'm not that great. I mean, look at my life, it's in a bit of a mess," he replied.

"If you separate your life from who you are, what do you see?"

"A pretty pathetic human being," he said, his shoulders hunched over in defeat.

I asked my favourite question when faced with this response, "Would you like to imagine yourself to be magnificent?"

He looked at me. Hesitated. Nodded his head. "Yeah. That'd be cool."

"Then do it. Everyone. Right now. For the next 60 seconds, imagine you're magnificent."

They laughed and hesitated.

"Seriously. Do it. Close your eyes and imagine you are a magnificent human being. How would you hold your head? How straight would your spine be? Would you smile? Laugh? Stand tall?"

Slowly, they each closed their eyes. Within a blink of the eye, they each sat up straighter, their spines lengthened, their faces lightened.

A few moments later they opened their eyes and the worried looks on all their faces had been replaced. I saw wonder, surprise, consternation, happiness.

"How did that feel?" I asked.

"Wow," said the young man who hears the voices of his mother and father berating him with every thought. "I felt it."

"So, do you agree it's possible to see yourself as a magnificent human being?"

"Yeah," replied a young man whose dream is to be a rap artist. "But what if you've done so many bad things in your past you just can't get away from them?"

"Can you change what you've done or what happened?"

"No."

"Do you want to keep doing those things today?"

"No way."

"Have you made amends for what you did if it hurt other people?"

"Sorta. Yeah. Mostly."

"Have you forgiven yourself?"

He hesitated. Shook his head. No.

"What's in it for you to not forgive yourself? What's in it for you to keep carrying the shame of your past?"

"How do I get rid of it? How do I let it go?"

"Remember how you just imagined yourself to be magnificent?" He nodded his head. "Well, imagine yourself forgiven. Imagine yourself free of shame and blame. They are emotions. They are not 'things'. You can put them down at anytime simply by starting to imagine yourself putting them down, cutting them off, letting them go. Imagine you've got a balloon in your hand and it is filled with 'shame and blame'. Imagine letting that balloon go. And if it keeps coming back, imagine again and again that you are letting it go. Eventually, all your imagining will become real to your brain."

He looked at me like I might have rocks in my head or perhaps just a vacuum filled balloon. "Yeah right. Like that's going to work."

"What do you know about your shame and blame," I asked him. "Can you describe it? Can you see it?"

"Not really."

"So, you're holding onto something you can't describe, something you can't see."

"Yeah."

"So, if you can hold onto something you can't describe or see, why not empower yourself to let go of something you can't describe or see?"

Suddenly he sat up straight. His face lit up. "Wow. That's cool. It's all in my head."

I could feel the tension in the room, everyone listening and watching him with careful consideration.

"How many here tell themselves they are to blame for everything that's gone wrong in their lives and then hold themselves tethered to that blame so that they can never change?"

Several hands lifted slowly.

"What if blame isn't the issue. What if being accountable is what it's about. And being accountable means making different choices, doing things differently, seeing things through different glasses?"

I waited as they thought about it.

"What if you could have the life of your dreams what would you do differently?"

They started to fill the room with ideas for their future. Voices called out to each other, I'd be singing my music on the radio. I'd own my home, have a family. I'd own my own construction company.

"So, you're able to identify what you want in your life, how about write out what you'd do differently to have those things in your life. List one thing you can do differently today."

It was a lively and enlivening session. At the end, I asked each of them to write themselves a love letter. Write the words you have always wanted to hear, or need to hear from your mother or brother, wife, daughter. Write them out.

One man wrote and started to cry. No one laughed at him. No one teased him. They all kept writing. When they were finished I asked them how it felt.

"It was hard," one man said. "It would have been easier to write a hate letter to myself."

Those letters you wrote are you truth. Live it. When you're feeling down, or frightened. When you think the road is too rough or the sky too grey, read your letter. That is your truth.

And that's my challenge for you today -- write yourself a love letter. Write about how magnificent you are. How unique. How incredibly special. Write it out and embrace it. It is your truth.

The question is: What's keeping you in believing the negative side is your truth? What's keeping you from accepting your magnificence?